I Will Always Love You
by CapeCodPhoenix
Summary: Emily finds herself looking back at her love for Alison. Future AU.
1. Chapter 1

**Many years in the future, Emily thinks back on Alison. This is a two-shot. **

**A/N: Alison never disappeared. There was no A.**

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It was three-twenty-four in the morning when I got the call. I remember grumbling because who calls you at three-twenty-four in the morning, but I rolled over and answered the phone anyway. And by three-twenty-five my world had come crashing down.

"_Hello?" I answered grumpily._

"_Em, it's Spencer," I heard Spencer say. _

_I hadn't heard from Spencer in long time, and frankly, I was surprised that she was even calling me. I'd stopped talking to her shortly after high school, though I'd heard she was some high profile lawyer in New York now._

"_Spencer Hastings?" I asked incredulously, "Not that it's not a pleasure to hear from you after all this time, but why are you calling me at three in the morning?"_

"_Em," Spencer said, the gravity in her voice unmistakable._

"_It's Ali," she said, pausing momentarily before continuing, "she's gone."_

"_What do you mean?" I asked, confused. I hadn't talked to Ali in years either._

"_She's…she's dead, Em," Spencer said, her voice cracking slightly._

_I dropped the phone. I couldn't believe it. Alison DiLaurentis was dead?_

_I quickly grabbed the phone off the floor._

"_Spence?"_

"_Yeah?"_

"_How did she?"_

"_She killed herself…" Spencer said, pausing, "There was a note, addressed to you."_

I reread the note from what was probably, literally, the ten millionth time. It wasn't long, in fact, it had only been three short sentences, but those three sentences meant the world to me.

_I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. I love you._

I know I should be moving on, and, in a way, I am, I mean, I'm engaged to a beautiful woman who I love, and who loves me, but I think about Alison everyday. It's not like I _try_ to think about her, I don't even have to, I'll just see something and think, Ali would have loved that, or it'll remind me of something we had done.

Alison had been my first love, someone I was never going to forget, even if I wanted to. For me, at least, it had been love at first sight, though I was trying to push the feelings I had for her away at the time, they had always shone through. And all my friends, including Ali, had known I was in love with her. Aside from Ali, they'd never really say much, but I had known, and ignored, that they knew.

Now, it's been seven years since I received the call from Spencer, telling me Ali had taken her own life.

I wondered if I had stayed with her when she had come back to me, whether she's still be alive. I wondered if it was because of me that she'd felt the need to slash her wrists and bleed out in the bath tub, leaving behind nothing but our memories of her and a note.

_I was back in Rosewood for Christmas, which was being held at my parents house this year since my grandparents had passed away last year. _

_I heard the doorbell ring, and my mother yelled for me to answer the door._

_My jaw probably hit the floor when I saw Ali standing there when I opened the door. She flashed her dazzling smile at me, and I melted again just as I had in high school._

"_I heard you were in town," Alison said, as though she hadn't stomped on my heart twelve years ago, leaving me broken with no explanations whatsoever. _

_All I could do was nod._

"_What, you're not happy to see me?" Alison asked._

"_No, of course it's great to see you Ali," I said, "but what are you doing here?"_

"_I needed to talk to you," she said._

_I walked outside, shutting the front door behind me. I sat down on the front steps, and Alison followed suit._

_I waited for her to say something, anything, whatever she came here to say, but all I got was silence. I was determined to wait her out, though. She wanted to talk, so she had to have something to say. She could be the one to break this awkward silence._

"_I love you," she finally said, so quiet that I almost didn't hear her._

"_What?" I asked, shocked._

"_I love you," she said again, louder and more confident this time._

_I was shocked, I was mad, I was confused, and I was still in love with her, but I couldn't comprehend what she was telling me._

"_I don't know what to say, Ali," I said, "I loved you so much, you _knew_ that, _everybody_ knew that, and I told you that everyday. Then one day, I got a text from you that said "I can't do this anymore" and suddenly I had nothing. No girlfriend, no friends, no explanation. And now you come back after_ twelve_ years and tell me you love me as if you'd told it to me a million times, though you'd never said those three little words to me when we were together."_

"_I'm sorry," Ali said. It was the first time I had ever heard Alison sincerely apologize for anything._

"_The truth is I was afraid of falling in love with you," Alison admitted, "I was afraid of what doing that would do to my reputation, what people would think of me, what my parents would think of me. I was afraid of falling in love with you, only it was too late, because I already had. My feelings for you, they scared me, so I ran. And I wish I hadn't because you were the best thing in my life, and even though we haven't really been in each other's lives for a long time, you still are the best thing in my life. And I know that I'm not good enough for you. I know I don't deserve someone as amazing as you. But I had to tell you, I've loved you all these years, and I just needed you to know that."_

_I took Ali's hand and squeezed it._

"_I love you, Ali, you know that. I have always loved you, but God, do you even know what you did to me? I've missed you so much, and I spent months analyzing everything in my head trying to figure out what I did wrong. I wish I could forget everything that happened, I wish I could just take you back in my arms, like everything would work out alright, but I can't. It's not that easy. And how do I know you won't just leave again, without a word?"_

_Ali looked at me, taking in everything I had just said. _

"_I wish I could go back and change things, but I can't," Ali said, "I don't expect you to forgive me, and even though I want you to, I don't think you should. You deserve so much better than me, Em. You deserve someone who will stand by you no matter what, someone who will never hurt you, especially not like I did. You deserve the best, Em. I wish I was that person. I wish I could be that person. I just needed you to know."_

_I didn't know what to say. I hadn't seen Ali so raw before. I hadn't seen Ali so self-sacrificial before. _

_With that, Ali got up and left. I thought about chasing after her, but I didn't. I wasn't ready to jump back with Ali, though I wanted to. For now, I'd have to do what's best for me, not what I desperately wanted. I convinced myself to call her later, and start rebuilding our friendship. That was all I could do, right now._

When later had come, and I had called her, she had disappeared again without another word. I kicked myself. I should have said something instead of letting her just walk away, but then, that was what she did, right? Walk away?

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	2. Chapter 2

I almost cringed as I drove past the sign that read Welcome to Rosewood. I had refused to come back after Alison's funeral, and I had almost not even come back for that, only I had to. It wouldn't have been right for me to skip it. Alison had been my everything, and I owed it to her to mourn her death with all the other people that had loved her, or at least that had claimed to love her.

It's been twelve years, but I found Alison's grave easily. It was almost as if it called to me. I was standing probably five feet away, just looking at it. It seemed as if she didn't get many visitors. She probably hadn't. She hadn't let many people in far enough for them to care much, especially now that she's been dead for so long.

Just reading her name on the tombstone brought a flood of memories.

"_Where are we going?" I asked, almost scared of the possibilities, but not quite._

"_It's a surprise," Ali said._

_I rolled my eyes which were hidden behind Alison's hands as she guided me through, wherever we were._

"_I don't like surprises Ali," I said, my voice sounding more annoyed than I had intended._

"_But you love me," Ali countered. _

_It was true. I loved her. I loved her for everything she was, including the things that sometimes drove me crazy. I loved her with everything I had, everything I was, and everything I could be._

_I could practically hear her smile, knowing that she had won. _

_It wasn't too much longer before Alison and I stopped._

"_You ready?" she asked._

_I nodded, and Alison removed her hands from in front of my eyes._

_We were in a clearing in the woods. There were beautiful flowers everywhere and a stream running through the middle of the clearing. Next to the stream there was a large blanket spread out with a picnic basket set in the center of it._

_I gasped. It was so beautiful. I couldn't believe that she had done all this for me._

"_Happy monthiversary," Ali said to me. _

_I had known that today marked one month of us being together. Sure, we had kept our relationship a well guarded secret, but we were official, whether anybody else knew it or not. _

_I hadn't expected Ali to even acknowledge the occasion, though, let alone celebrate it. _

"_I can't believe you did this," I said, "I love you so much, Ali."_

_Alison laughed._

"_I know," she said cockily, "I'm amazing aren't I?" _

_I noticed her deflection, but I chose to overlook it. She had secretly planned and surprised me with what was the perfect date to celebrate us being together for one month, so it went without saying that she cared for me. I knew she would tell me when she was ready. One day, even if it isn't today, I'll hear those words from her._

"_So what's in the basket?" I asked, very curiously._

_I was in Spencer's barn, sitting in a circle with Alison, Spencer, Hanna and Aria. _

"_Truth or dare?" a drunken Hanna asked Alison, who, while she'd been drinking, seemed perfectly sober._

"_Dare," Alison said simply. _

_It was expected. Alison always chose dare, just like I always chose truth. Hanna usually chose dare, though every once in a while she's take a truth. Only Spencer and Aria seemed to mix it up all the time, doing a few dares and a few truths._

_Hanna looked around. When she looked at me, I saw a spark of an idea in her eyes, which scared me slightly. She looked at Spencer again, then Aria before returning her eyes to Alison. _

"_I dare you to make out with Emily," Hanna said._

_I'm pretty sure my mouth dropped to the floor. I had a feeling Hanna was trying to help me, trying to get me together with Alison, but I knew that wasn't going to work. Alison would never be into me, even if I was in love with her. I was pretty sure Hanna had worked that out, too, though I'd never confirmed it for her, she just had this weird sense about these things._

_Alison just shrugged._

"_A dare is a dare," Alison said, and started making her way towards me._

_All I could think was, God, is she sexy._

_Alison walked into my house without invitation as per usual. Though, if someone had said something about it, I probably would have said that Alison had an open invitation anytime she wanted, though my mother probably would have disagreed._

_Alison decided that she and I were going to stay in today and watch movies just the two of us. We started off with a couple horror movies, which, though I loved them, had me curled up in Alison's arm, screaming and hiding my head in her chest every once in a while, before jerking it back up so that I could continue to watch the movies. _

_Alison surprised me by putting in A Walk To Remember next. I didn't need to hide for this movie, so I just sat next to Ali watching the movie. About halfway through the movie, I looked over at Ali, as I'd done a few times already, and she was looking at me. _

_I looked down immediately, embarrassed to be caught. She'd told me she only wanted to be friends, so the moments where I let on that I was still pining for her made it awkward. Alison lifted my chin to look at her. _

_Her eyes searched mine, and then suddenly, her lips were on mine. I was surprised. I hadn't expected it, but it didn't take long before my lips were moving perfectly in sync with hers. And I was in heaven._

_I found myself once again in Spencer's barn playing truth or dare._

"_Truth or dare?" Spencer asked me._

"_Truth," I said automatically._

"_Do you have a crush on Alison?" Spencer asked._

_I was thankful that Alison had gone to the bathroom and wasn't here for this question. I didn't want to lie, but I didn't want to tell Ali yet, or maybe at all, I wasn't entirely sure. But because Ali wasn't here at the moment, I could tell the girls the truth at least. After all, they were my best friends, if I couldn't trust them, who could I trust?_

"_Yes," I admitted, "I _really_ like Ali."_

"_What?" I heard Ali say from the doorway. _

_Apparently the timing wasn't as good as I had thought, because Ali had just heard me admit to liking her, which I wasn't ready for._

I took one step towards Alison's grave.

"I'm sorry it took me so long to come," I said out loud. I hoped talking to her, though obviously she couldn't talk back, would help me.

"I'm getting married next month, but then, you probably already know that. I hope you're watching over me, but if you're not, then I guess I should tell you anyway. Her name's Olivia. To be honest, I always thought it would be you I would marry. Even when we weren't talking all those years, I held out hope that we would be reunited. And then, that first year I spent Christmas back in Rosewood, you told me, after all those years, that you loved me. I should've chased after you. I thought about it, but then, I was scared. I called you the next day, but you were gone. If I'd known that was going to be our last chance, I wouldn't have let you go. I shouldn't have let you go anyway. But even then I had held out hope that one day, we would be together again. Until that one night when Spencer called me up, telling me you'd killed yourself. I still don't understand why. But you left me that note. I can't help but wonder if it was me who drove you to do that. I never wanted that. I wanted you. I read it everyday, the note, usually many times a day. Sometimes I think Olivia gets jealous of it. Probably because she knows that if you were still here, I wouldn't be with her. Don't get me wrong, I love her, I really do. And I'm so lucky that she loves me too. It's just… you were my everything. I loved you with everything I had. And when you left, a part of me left with you. And now, I love Olivia with everything I have, only because of you, I don't have as much as I used to, because you took a part of me. Does that make sense?"

I sighed knowing I wasn't going to get a response. The dead don't talk.

I walked the rest of the way to Ali's grave, laying down the flowers I had brought in front of it.

"I brought these for you. I should have come ages ago."

I knelt on front of the tombstone, resting my hand lightly on the top.

"I forgive you, you know, for everything."

I sighed, letting a few tears roll down my cheek, hitting the soft earth where Ali lie.

"And I will _always_ love you."

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